AGING ICON

Irving – Who tells you that you are an Aging Icon?

Irving had lived a full and interesting life. Years earlier, he worked in the stock market, back when orders were typed by hand and before computers changed everything. When technology took over, Irving decided it was time to move on, so he took a job at John Jay College, where he eventually became known among students for his knowledge of stocks.

Students sought him out for investment advice, and Irving enjoyed sharing what he knew. He eventually retired with a pension, worked for a while selling watches at Macy’s, and then settled into retirement in his Manhattan apartment. He had never married, lived simply, and enjoyed walking around the city, visiting his favorite restaurants, getting haircuts in Chinatown, eating Italian food in Little Italy, and talking to people along the way. All in all, things were good, but as is often the case, aging has a way of changing things.

Irving developed macular degeneration, which made getting around increasingly difficult, and after his brother died and with his parents already gone, he stopped traveling. His world became smaller, and when our worlds get smaller, other things can begin to change, too.

Irving became more isolated. His memory started to decline, and everyday tasks became harder. He needed help getting to medical appointments, shopping, cooking, and managing his home. Fortunately, a social worker in his building noticed, and that observation ultimately led to Iris, the elder law attorney I work with, and then to me.

One of the first things we do when taking on a new client is understanding their financial situation. We need to know what resources are available so we can determine what type of care and support is possible.

Irving had done something very well over the years. He had invested wisely and built a substantial portfolio. Along with his pension, he had enough money to pay for the services he needed but having money doesn’t automatically mean you’re protected.

We discovered that Irving’s cleaning woman wasn’t doing much cleaning and was frequently asking him for additional money to send to her family or to take care of extra services that somehow never were completed. Irving believed her stories and gave it to her, and we had to put an end to that situation. We also found a refrigerator filled with spoiled food. Meals on Wheels had been delivering food, but Irving didn’t like it, so instead of eating it, he stored it.

There were health issues, too. For years, Irving had been seeing his ophthalmologist for his macular degeneration, but he didn’t have a regular primary care physician. When he began complaining about heaviness and tightness in his chest, I helped him find one. He was referred to a cardiologist and eventually diagnosed with a damaged heart valve. Not long afterward, he suffered a heart attack.

Each new development told us Irving needed more support, and sometimes that support comes from unexpected places. A young woman in Irving’s building had befriended him. They shared a love of cats, and she began checking on him, talking with him and helping him. After a fall sent Irving to the hospital, she took care of his cat and eventually became an even more important part of his daily life.

She walked with him and took him shopping. She cooked healthy meals he actually enjoyed. She even brought him to church with her, and even though Irving was Jewish, he enjoyed being at around people and walking through the different parts of town it took to get there. This is an example that an aide isn’t the only way to have someone looking out for you. A great way is to have someone you already have a relationship with and just formalize the relationship, so that it’s a won for both parties.

We also brought in others who contributed to creating a full life, and not just one of being watched over. A daily money manager came for the mail and discussed the latest investment strategies, a volunteer close to Irving’s age visited for conversation, a Professional Organizer got rid of years of clutter and displayed items that belonged to Irving’s parents, so he could enjoy showing off things from his travels.

For a while, he flourished. He lost weight, was walking again and eating better. Most importantly, he had the companionship that was so important to him.  Unfortunately, companionship wasn’t enough, and Irving’s memory continued to decline. He repeated himself and forgot when he had eaten. Food prepared to last several days might disappear in one day. We brought in overnight aides, but it became clear that remaining at home was no longer the safest option.

With that being the case Irving moved into assisted living, and he liked it. He had people around him, activities to participate in, three meals a day and help with the things he could no longer safely manage himself. He thrived there for several years before eventually passing away from the natural causes of advanced age. Irving’s story is a reminder that aging well isn’t necessarily about staying in your home at all costs. It’s about having the right support at the right time.

Key Takeaways

Pay attention when someone’s world starts getting smaller. Isolation, vision problems, mobility issues and memory changes can make even familiar routines difficult.

Having financial resources isn’t enough. Someone still needs to make sure those resources are being used appropriately and that an older adult isn’t being taken advantage of.

Socialization matters. Irving improved when he had someone walking with him, cooking with him, and simply spending time with him. Since he was able to make friends easily, assisted living was a good choice.

Health care needs coordination. Seeing one specialist isn’t the same as having someone looking at your overall health.

And perhaps the biggest takeaway is aging isn’t static. What works today may not work six months or a year from now. The goal isn’t to create one plan and assume you’re done. It’s to keep paying attention, keep reassessing and make changes when they’re needed.

The right care isn’t about taking away someone’s independence, it’s about helping them live as safely, comfortably, and fully as possible.

October 11, 2026 Posted by Aging Icon | Uncategorized | health, life, Senior, seniors | Leave a comment