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“You Saved My Sanity”: A Daughter’s Long-Distance Dementia Journey and the Advocate Who Changed Everything

Some stories don’t just describe what happened, they feel like what happened.

Andrea lives in Oregon. Her mother lives in New York City. Her mother is 93 now. When Andrea first met Caryn Isaacs, her mother was 88 and already showing signs of dementia.

Andrea opens with a line that says it all:

“To say that Caryn saved my sanity is an understatement.”

After reading what Andrea and her mother lived through, the years of confusion, grief, safety concerns, medical decisions, paperwork, and long-distance worry, it’s hard to imagine a more accurate statement.

Andrea isn’t just describing the help Caryn provided. She’s describing the emotional relief of finally having someone capable, experienced, and compassionate standing in the gap when a family is stretched to its breaking point.

Before Caryn: Dementia, Denial, and a Fragile Household

Before Caryn entered the picture, Andrea’s mother lived in Jackson Heights, Queens, with Andrea’s younger sister. Andrea’s mother was beginning to show signs of dementia but was in denial, something many families recognize. Dementia often arrives quietly, and at first, it’s easy to explain away.

At the time, Andrea’s sister was the primary caretaker, but the situation was complicated. Her sister had her own physical and emotional challenges, and the two had a co-dependent relationship. Her sister rarely left the house, and Andrea’s mother couldn’t do anything without worrying about leaving her sister alone.

Even then, the family was living on a fragile edge, and as dementia progressed, it became unsafe for Andrea’s mother to leave the apartment unaccompanied.

A Sudden Loss That Changed Everything

Then came the devastating curve ball. Andrea’s sister passed away unexpectedly in her early 50s. Andrea received a call from the police telling her that her sister had died suddenly at home. Later, they learned it was due to a pulmonary disease. In an instant, Andrea’s mother was left alone and with dementia in the mix, “alone” was dangerous.

Andrea describes her mother leaving the apartment, forgetting where she was going, and getting lost. More than once, the police had to bring her home. The situation was no longer manageable.

The Chaos of Legal, Financial, and Care Logistics

Andrea flew to New York City to try to stabilize everything. The family had already been working with a wonderful elder law attorney, but after Andrea’s sister died, things became far more complicated especially because many accounts and responsibilities had been in her sister’s name.

Andrea needed power of attorney transferred. She needed access to bank accounts. She needed care in place. And she needed to do all of it while living 3,000 miles away. The attorney helped her find a home health agency to send aides once Andrea returned home. At first, it seemed like the solution, but it quickly became a nightmare.

When “Care” Isn’t Really Care

Andrea describes those months with the agency as a disaster. Aides called constantly saying her mother had left the apartment and they couldn’t find her presumably because she wasn’t being supervised properly. Her mother began running out of food. The aides repeatedly asked Andrea for money to buy groceries, but Andrea suspected the food wasn’t actually going to her mother.

It was expensive and stressful and when you’re 3,000 miles away, that kind of worry doesn’t stay contained. It seeps into every part of your life.

The Oregon Move: A Loving Plan That Didn’t Work

After two months, Andrea and her husband made a decision many long-distance families eventually face and decided would move her mother to Oregon.

Andrea found a lovely, assisted living facility near their home and arranged private healthcare. She flew back to Queens, packed what she could, and brought her mother to Oregon but it didn’t go well.

Dementia and change can be a combustible combination, and Andrea’s mother did not adjust. She didn’t get along with Andrea’s husband. Andrea’s children avoided her due to erratic and sometimes mean behavior, and when shown the assisted living facility, her mother flatly refused to live there.

Andrea was emotionally spent. She couldn’t imagine taking another flight back to New York with her mother. That’s when she called the elder law attorney again, desperate, and out of options.

The Turning Point: “Call Caryn”

The attorney recommended Caryn Isaacs.

Caryn arranged to meet Andrea’s mother at JFK and bring her back to Queens. Andrea admits she was nervous about trusting someone she had never met, but due to her responsibilities in Oregon, she had no choice.

Caryn picked her mother up, took her home, bought groceries, and helped her settle in. Andrea describes Caryn as “like an angel sent to help us out.” From that moment on, Caryn became what Andrea calls a substitute “Me.

Oversight, Advocacy, and a Safer Path Forward

At first, they continued using the same agency, but Caryn visited at least once a week while the aides were there. That oversight changed everything.

Caryn also handled what long-distance families often can’t: finding doctors and dentists, scheduling appointments, arranging transportation, checking safety, and observing changes in behavior. Eventually, Andrea and Caryn moved her mother into assisted living in Queens. Andrea feared another disastrous transition, but Caryn approached it gently, keeping things calm and simple.

That was five years ago. Andrea’s mother still lives there.

Advocacy Doesn’t End Once They’re Placed

One of the most powerful lessons in this chapter is that assisted living does not replace family. It replaces some tasks but not the need for advocacy.

Caryn continued weekly visits. She ensured Andrea received weekly calls from her mother. She advocated medically, communicated with doctors, and protected Andrea’s mother from unnecessary rehab placements and risky surgery decisions. During Covid, Andrea’s mother spent over a month in the hospital. Caryn couldn’t visit, but she called regularly and stayed on top of everything.

“Go on the Vacation”

Andrea shares one moment that says everything.

She had planned a bucket-list trip to Africa for two weeks, $20,000, years in the making. As it approached, Andrea was consumed with guilt and anxiety. Caryn was compassionate, but firm.

She told Andrea to go. Not to throw away her life living trapped in “what if.” Caryn even helped arrange a pre-paid funeral package so if something happened, everything would be handled.

Andrea didn’t know that option existed, but Caryn did.

Final Takeaways

Andrea’s story is ultimately one of gratitude. Her mother is safe and stable, and Andrea can finally breathe.

As she says:

“I never question how much Caryn really cares. Otherwise, I do not know what I would do.”

That is exactly what I do as an Aging Icon. I’m not someone who simply shows up, but someone who changes the entire course of a family’s life through experience, compassion, and unwavering advocacy.

February 17, 2026 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Meet Denise

In Aging Icon, I share the stories of extraordinary individuals who have not only navigated aging with grace but have transformed their challenges into catalysts for change. Denise’s story is one of those remarkable chapters and is a testament to resilience, advocacy, and the enduring human spirit.

A Childhood Challenge That Sparked a Lifelong Fight

Denise contracted polio as a child in 1948, long before a vaccine existed. Her legs were paralyzed, but her determination was not. Her parents refused to let her disability define her, insisting she live up to the same expectations as her sisters. She went on to earn a college degree and work in social services, helping others while navigating a world that wasn’t built for people like her.

Turning Adversity into Advocacy

One ordinary morning, waiting for a bus to get to work, Denise refused to be told “wait for the next one” when a driver admitted he didn’t know how to operate the wheelchair lift. Her insistence on fairness drew police, press, and public attention and ultimately led to policy changes. That pivotal moment launched Denise’s life’s work making certain that public spaces were accessible for all. From sidewalk cutouts to elevators in train stations and accessible transportation services, Denise’s determination shaped the infrastructure we rely on today.

Love, Loss, and Legacy

Later in life, Denise married her longtime friend and partner, who became her caregiver as they aged together. Their partnership embodied devotion and independence until his sudden passing left Denise facing new realities, financial, legal, and emotional.

I stepped in to help Denise rebuild stability, from navigating Medicaid and pooled income trusts to ensuring she could remain in her beloved waterfront condo. With a compassionate, strategic approach, I guided Denise toward independence and dignity, even in grief.

Lessons from Denise’s Journey

  • Advocacy starts with one voice. Denise’s stand at that bus stop changed accessibility laws nationwide.
  • Love and partnership evolve. True companionship adapts through life’s physical and emotional shifts.
  • Planning matters. Estate and financial preparedness are crucial at any age or ability level.
  • Community sustains us. When family falters or distance grows, compassionate professionals and friends can become chosen family.

Denise’s story reminds us that aging isn’t about surrender, it’s about continuing to shape the world around us with courage and grace.

Want to read more stories like Denise’s?
Get your copy of Aging Icon on Amazon and meet the extraordinary individuals redefining what it means to age with purpose, power, and possibility.

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November 18, 2025 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Art of Aging with Purpose and What You Can Expect from My Work

Some people build businesses around trends. I build them around gaps, spaces where people are craving connection, confidence, and purpose but don’t yet have a map.

That’s how Aging Icon™ was born.

I’ve always believed that success doesn’t end when the candles on your birthday cake hit double digits in the six, seven or even 8 or 9 range. And I’m not talking about forced optimism or “just think young” clichés.

I’m talking about real-life reinvention, about doing the things you love even when your knees creak, your schedule shifts, and the world around you seems to think you’re winding down.

Nope. Not on my watch.

Through my speaking, my books, and my ongoing advocacy, I’ve carved out a space for those who want to live with more curiosity, creativity, and courage, especially as they age or are given a life changing health diagnosis. I work with people who’ve built successful lives and careers, but who are now navigating questions that rarely get asked out loud:

  • Can I still do what I love, even if I don’t move as fast as I used to?
  • Is it too late to start something new?
  • What happens when the world stops seeing me as “in my prime”?

I ask those questions too. And I answer them by helping others write a different kind of script.

What You’ll Find in My Work

Whether it’s from a stage, in the pages of a book, or through grassroots advocacy, here’s what I bring to the table:

Clarity without clichés.
You won’t find platitudes in my presentations or in my writing. What you will find is humor, honesty, and practical insight. I speak from experience, not theory, and my stories are grounded in what it actually feels like to be shifting, stretching, and evolving at every stage of life.

Permission to be powerful.
Many of us have been conditioned to shrink a little as we age. I challenge that gently but firmly. My work is about reclaiming space, confidence, and agency, not because we need permission, but because we deserve reminders.

Community and connection.
Aging can feel isolating. One of the most consistent pieces of feedback I hear is, “I thought I was the only one feeling this way.” My books, talks, and initiatives create safe, energetic spaces for people to realize they are not alone and that shared experience breeds strength.

A future-facing approach.
Here’s where my business brain kicks in. I don’t just talk about aging as it is now. I look at where society, tech, and work are headed, and I position people to thrive in that landscape. The result? You’re not chasing a moment; you’re already in it.

Not Just Inspiration, Activation.

People often tell me they feel inspired after hearing me speak or reading something I’ve written. But I don’t stop at inspiration. I want you to feel energized to take action, whether that means dusting off an old passion, starting a new chapter, or simply refusing to fade quietly into the background.

Because you, my friend, are far from done.

And if you’re ready to live how you want to live, you’ll find in my work not just a mirror, but a guide. A spark and a well-timed nudge.

You’ve built a life worth living. Let’s make sure you keep living it, with joy, meaning, and just the right amount of rebellion.

July 9, 2025 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Holding My Own as A Woman in a Man’s World

For as long as I can remember, I’ve worked alongside men including colleagues, employees, business partners, mentees, and of course, my husband. I’ve never shied away from stepping into spaces where the energy skewed masculine. In fact, I’ve often thrived there.

Maybe it was my deep expertise in my field. Maybe it was an innate sense of confidence. Likely it was a combination of both. But what I know to be true is that I never waited for permission to take up space.

I never let being the “only woman in the room” shake me. I never let anyone else’s assumptions define my value. And I never gave up my independence, personally or professionally, because the moment you do that, you risk disappearing into someone else’s story instead of writing your own.

Even in a happy marriage, independence matters. Especially in a happy marriage. Having a partner doesn’t mean losing your identity. I’ve always believed the healthiest relationships are built when two whole people choose to walk through life side by side, not when one leans so heavily on the other that she forgets how to stand tall on her own.

I’ve had wonderful male mentors and friends throughout my career. I’ve also had other experiences. Like being talked over in meetings. Having my ideas ignored until a man echoed them. And yes, being told to “smile more” except in one ironic twist, I was actually told to smile less by a male attorney I was competing with. Years later, that same attorney came to me for help with his image. Life has a way of circling back, doesn’t it?

I’d be remiss not to acknowledge the sexual undercurrent women often have to manage in professional settings. The subtle (and not-so-subtle) comments. The misinterpreted friendliness. The need to constantly walk the line between being assertive and being “too much.” It’s exhausting, and it’s real. But we manage, with grace, clarity, and an unwavering sense of self.

Here’s what I’ve learned and what I want every woman reading this to know:
We don’t need to harden to survive in a man’s world. We don’t need to mimic masculine traits or minimize our own. What we do need is an unshakeable sense of our own worth. We need clarity about what we bring to the table. And we need the resilience to keep showing up, especially when it’s uncomfortable.

Inner strength isn’t loud or showy. It’s quiet confidence. It’s knowing who you are, what you stand for, and what you’re capable of. It’s also knowing what you won’t tolerate and being willing to draw that line.

That strength? It’s been hard-earned. Built over years, shaped by experience, and inspired by the women I’ve admired who spoke up, stood tall, and never shrank. I’ve learned to listen carefully but speak decisively. To collaborate, but never compromise my vision. To hold my own, without losing my kindness or curiosity.

And I believe deeply that men aren’t the enemy. In fact, many are our allies, our partners in progress, our coworkers in the trenches, our friends, and our family. When we work together with mutual respect, when men listen and learn and women lead without apology, we all benefit. True collaboration looks like inclusion, not dominance. Support, not competition.

Women are still navigating a world that wasn’t designed with us in mind. But we’re redesigning it, every single day.

To the woman reading this and whether you’re just getting started, starting over, or starting fresh later in life, know that you are not alone. We’ve walked this path, and we’re walking it with you.

Stand tall in who you are. Don’t wait for approval. Lead with competence and confidence. And never, ever hand over your independence. It’s your power source.

Respect starts with self-respect. And when you believe in your worth, the world takes notice.

June 16, 2025 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why I’m Taking Time Off and Why You Should Too

When was the last time you stepped away, not just from your work, but from the noise, the scroll, the meetings, and the million things tugging at your sleeve?

For me, it’s right now. I’m packing my bags for a four-night getaway to Atlantic City, and this time, I’m not sneaking in a single webinar or phone call.

No “just checking in” emails. No multitasking from a hotel desk. Just me, the ocean air, a couple of classic boardwalk strolls, and a head ready to be filled not with noise, but with clarity.

Because here’s what I’ve learned as a successful woman who’s been through a few reinventions (and helped others through theirs): Real growth requires real space.

I’m not talking about a quick lunch break or a Sunday where you half-work while pretending you’re resting. I mean full-on, intentional time off to reflect, reimagine, and reconnect with what matters most.

This is where imagination gets to play again. Where ideas stretch out and breathe. And for me, it’s where I’m going to shape my next-level vision, complete with a fresh elevator pitch and a one-page business plan I can feel in my bones.

Time Away is a Power Move

I know the hustle mindset. I know what it feels like to say, “I’ll rest when I’m done.” But done never comes. There’s always another client, another deadline, another problem to solve. But clarity? That only comes when you pause.

For those of us navigating the later chapters of our careers or choosing to rewrite the story entirely, it’s not about doing more. It’s about doing what matters. And sometimes, the only way to hear that whisper of what matters is to step away from the shouting.

Creativity Needs Breathing Room

You want fresh ideas? Stop standing in stale air.

When we give ourselves space, magic happens. We remember why we started. We reconnect with our own boldness. And we imagine without borders. I’ve done these enough times to know that when I unplug, I come back reignited and unstoppable. I’m not looking to maintain, I’m here to elevate. And sometimes, that requires a beach, a notebook, and a brain that’s not buzzing with to-dos.

Resetting with Purpose

I’ve committed to clearing my plate before I go. No mental baggage allowed on this trip. That’s part of the ritual too, closing the loops so you can open new ones.

When I return, I want to walk through my door with a crisp, confident introduction that reflects who I am now and not who I was three years ago. I want a one-page business plan that lights me up and leads the way forward. Not just words on paper, but a direction that makes me sit up straighter and walk a little taller.

Aging Isn’t Slowing Down. It’s Leveling Up.

As an Aging Icon, I know what it means to rise again and again. Reinvention isn’t a trend. It’s a strategy. And reflection is the most overlooked tool in the box.

Here’s my advice: take the break. Book the hotel. Leave the laptop closed. Let your imagination ride shotgun. Because when you return, you’ll bring back something bigger than rest. You’ll bring back vision.

And vision is what iconic women are made of.

See you on the other side, refreshed, recalibrated, and ready to roar.

May 14, 2025 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment